Monday, October 10, 2011

Being Single Sux!

Fifth wedding in six months and we just graduated college four months ago. Bridesmaid eight times removed. 24 and single (seems like I'm always ready to mingle). Even my feminist best friend has a man, who she doesn't even really like, but what does that leave me...single as usual! Ugh!!! What is it? Am I crazy? Are my standards too superficial? Is it the little mustache I have (I actually think its kinda cute though)?!? Maybe its my quirks? I thought guys like girls that actually have substance...WHY AM I STILL SINGLE??? Someone please answer the question!

In just a few lines I have summed up the monstrosity of thoughts that go through the minds of 20- (and 30-) somethings worldwide. In quest of conquering your "still single" demons, you are constantly fighting off the green-eye syndrome (covetousness/envy/jealousy) but continue to rationalize your roller coaster emotions because you want what Jane has and what's wrong with that? Well, here are a few things to keep in mind when your drooling over your skewed version of next girl's (or guy's) rosy-shaded, "grass is greener on the other side" relationship:

1. Ever heard all that glitters ain't gold? Breaking News: you are single for a reason that is greater than yourself! If it was God's will for you to be in a relationship at this very moment that would be the case. Due note that coveting is all in the eye of the covet-er, but usually the perceived notions are NOT reality. Yes it is bittersweet that most of your friends are engaged or married, but let's do a thorough analysis if it were you. [Think long and hard about it] You may be ready in your natural mind, but God is preparing you for more than a natural union. Marriage is not solely about unlimited sex and emotional exchange. It is the beginning of ministry-the ordained Will of God and the charge set up for your divine matrimony shall be revealed to two COMPLETE people. If God has not released you from His covering it may be that you are not a finished product (lacking luster and shine), He has much more to reveal to you (identity and purpose), and/or maybe it's not you but your mate that needs more pruning!

2. It would suck to have the right thing at the wrong time. Think back to when you wanted something so bad but when you finally got it, especially if it was too soon or without sincere effort, it eventually lost its appeal. That sums up the 50% divorce rate (to an extent)! Wait your turn, Beloved. "Do not awaken love before its time" because you will end up hating yourself for being impatient.

3. Can you juggle? Many women (and men) want to get married and cannot even balance their single life, let alone their checkbooks. To be a virtuous wife, you must already be a virtuous woman. Something you can only know how to be in your singleness with the Lord. You don't magically become virtuous because a ring is put on your finger. Instead you become Jill of all trades- now juggling a new role and more responsibilities. #Promotion
The Lord may have called you to intercede on the behalf of your sister, Mom, or a friend. In response, you moaned and groaned or may have even totally ignored His call to stand in the gap as a pillar of hope. However, you pray every night for a Prince Charming, three kids, and a house on the hill with the picket white fence. Misconception Alert! What do you think you'll be doing as a wife? Prayer Warrior! Supporter! Counselor! Wisdom herself! If you are not already hanging with Prudence you will fail miserably as a wife and mother...sorry to bear the truth.

4. Last and most importantly: Live your life like it's golden. There is no need to rush a good thing. I watch these reality shows of mothers who are overbearing and smother their kids to death because they try to make up for lost time by living vicariously through them. They end up going through mid-life crisis wishing they would've spent more time getting to know themselves and enjoying their 20's. This is the prime time of your life. Travel. Do adventurous things. Start a business. Pursue professional goals. Conquer the world. Because when you have those lovely rascals most of your time will go to rearing them. So don't be like those crazed parents I talk about (lol), but enjoy your singleness. Grow in your faith and fall deeper in love with your God!

It is easy to get distracted at this time. So write down your life goals and dreams. As you wait for Prince Charming or your Queen, become the captivating, wild at heart Warrior God has ordained you to be with or without your spouse. Now when they do come along at God's perfect timing you will not waste time trying to get yourself together, but instead will focus immediately on your purpose as One united body serving as living sacrifices for God's glory!

11 Things to Know at 25(ish)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

FAITH: The One & Only Way


For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world: your faith. (I John 5:4)

Faith is not hoping for the best, but KNOWING that God will give His best.

There is a je ne sais quoi to faith. Either you have it or don't. No in between.

Faith isn't faith until it's all you're holding on to.

Now faith is assurance of things hoped for, proof of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

Read Hebrews 10:26-12:2 and you will be able to understand what faith is and "by faith" how you can move mountains. On the contrary, read a self-help book and this society tells us to believe in ourselves--it's that simple? right... That we, humans, are equipped with the proverbial strength and omniscient intellect needed because "there's an app for that."

I'm noticing how we are becoming forever dependent on technology and science to answer our deepest questions, when in reality "science" is defined by Wikipedia "in this modern sense [as] a systematic enterprise of gathering knowledge about the world and organizing and condensing that knowledge into testable laws and theories." If that's not funny, idk what is! Galatians 3:24-25 says "Therefore the law was our tutor to bring us to Christ, that we might be justified by faith. But after faith has come, we are no longer under a tutor." **Firing my science tutor**

When I think about third world countries like Haiti, Somalia, or Tanzania, thoughts of richness come to mind. The people in these countries know what faith is and are due much admiration. They are not tainted by the suicidal thoughts of chasing the American Dream or taunted by the deathly desires of material things. Because of this, their spiritual eyes are strong--"for we walk by faith and not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7).

I challenge you (and myself) to have faith like the prophets: being fervent in prayer knowing that God is fully aware and in control! Maybe we all need to consider a new approach to overcoming big life decisions. For the next month let us rejoice in not knowing the answer to everything. Less stress for you and more room for God to show up BIG!

Monday, May 3, 2010

New Age Atheism

A food-for-thought email from my sister-in-law:

I read the following passage on "New Atheism" on a Christian theology website for women entitled She Worships It's really an interesting site that has helped me look at things in a new perspective as I walk with the Lord. In any case, I found her most recent post applicable. I was challenged in this very way by a classmate I befriended who did not believe in God. At some point as we got to know one another the topic of my faith (and her lack thereof) did come up. As we talked she asked the very same questions listed below. How would you answer them? Remember, each time you speak about the Lord (or He shows in your character) is like a seed being planted for the harvesting of souls.


In case you aren’t familiar with the “New Atheism” that has risen in popularity in our culture, the term refers to a brand of Atheism that is extremely critical of and sometimes hostile towards religion, and in turn touts science as the antidote. The reason I’m bringing it up on my blog is that it’s an issue about which we as women should not only be concerned, but also well-informed.

What is particularly troubling about the New Atheism is that it has risen to popularity on the coattails of out-dated ideas, a point that Hart makes in his article. And while the lack of originality would seem to be a plus, it actually reveals a startling complacency amidst the church. New Atheism is raising concerns and objections that Christians addressed centuries ago, but so few of us are familiar with these arguments that we are ill-equipped to respond. As a result, we have witnessed the birth of a new generation of Atheists who believe they are genuinely challenging the Christian faith in new and original ways, especially because many Christians can only offer a babbling response.

This predicament aims a particularly searing critique at Christian women. It is not uncommon for Christian women to chuckle about how much their husbands enjoy discussing theology, all the while shrugging off their own lack of interest. “I just don’t understand that stuff” is the common excuse. Ladies, if you are someone who brushes off these important questions because it does not interest you, let me gently challenge you to repent of this mindset. While we are not all called to achieve advanced degrees in this area, the rise of the New Atheism has been made possible by our theological apathy.

Not all Atheists are men. Nor do they all live in ivory towers. They are your neighbor, your co-worker, maybe someone in your family. There are women who squarely reject God on philosophical grounds who will never enter your church to hear your pastor’s defense. That’s why they need to hear it from you.

Of course not all of us are philosophically minded, but that’s no excuse for not having thought through some of the questions that Atheists are asking. Consider the following:

  • Some Atheists object to the existence of God because He failed to answer their prayers when they needed Him most. How would you respond to that seeming betrayal?
  • Others object to the existence of God because they don’t understand how a good God could allow evil to exist in the world. How would you respond to this problem in a manner that avoids being cliché or pat?
  • Some Atheists are so repulsed by corruption within the church that they write off God altogether. How might you respond to this objection, taking seriously the very real mistakes of the church?

Spiritual Outlook on Singleness

A resourceful email from my sister

Good afternoon:

I am sorry to send another email to you. But I woke up this morning with relationships and marriage on my mind and heart. I was encouraged when I read Ch 1-6 of Songs of Solomon over the last month or so and reading again Ch 6 this morning. Then I get on the computer and God directs me to these resources. I just wanted to share with you all whats on my heart and the encouragement that came from the links I have and will send. I hope they speak to you as they have spoken to me. I love you all and God does even more. Peace and blessings. Have a blessed day and week.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Why you so single???

My Friend: Okay, so Fb fam, why do most Black Men prefer to date White/Spanish/ or Asian women??? Explain....


because of the head

My Friend



maybe because we love to pls and cater to our man....and from what i hear black women are about what "U" can do for just i've disrespect

My Friend

good point Anonymous2! Wow, you're gonna stir up an earthquake with that


Miss Anonymous2: dont talk shit about my women. Tranquila!


b/c we do EVERYTHING better, duh!.....ESPECIALLY us mixed women! ;) lol (I'm about to get hated on....I fit the light-skinned, long hair, etc etc stereotype)

My Friend

Matty matt! I know u only show the sistas love!! lol, Sha sha, What exactly do yall do better??? let a brother know...


not ALL blck women ofcourse...but the majority....i cant believe i just got myself into this!!>>>>for sure i feel the rickter scale blasting


and because we dont try to take away ur manhood...The KING is the KING...a blck women will get in ur face and try to take u just saying....... but im the QUEEN

My Friend

-see ladies, Anonymous 2 has the right attitude! When does your book come out K?'re gonna be a best seller & fix a lot of relationships! lol


Imma start right now!! lol


Ummm, to say MOST black men is a huge overstatement! Trying to group all of any "type" of person together is a big mistake in the first place ("black women are this way, white women are that way" etc.). Treat each individual as an individual and if u like the way that person makes u feel, go for it! Otherwise, you may miss out on an amazing ... See Moreexperience with a black woman while chasing the wrong white woman & vice versa. Everyone has their own preferences as far as physical characteristics, but if u only pay attention to that and ignore character flaws, you will be sorely dissapointed with what you get!!

My Friend

Great point Anonymous4!


Many blk men prefer women of other races b/c women of other races are easily dominated and controlled...they love the idea of being submissive to a strong, black man (yawn, what a bore). There's this HUGE stigma that black women have attitudes and don't know how to let a black man be "the king," but the truth of the matter is we LOVE to find a blk... See More man WORTHY of that kind of treatment and when we DO FINE ONE (myself included) we value them, love them, but we push them to be their best (there is no chilling/coasting/skating in a relationship w/ a blk woman...u HAVE to pull ur weight. u HAVE to step up to the plate or u can find the door). Furthermore, w/ the majority of blk men either in jail or fucking other men, we've had to step up to the plate to be the woman AND the man in many households (bc unlike blk men, very few of us have given up on our men, even though most of them have given up on us). And let's keep it G...a Hispanic woman (at least the one's i grew up with and respect) will cut ur ass if u act out. When u come from a household where u see a woman who is strong and holds her own, ur not going to take shit from ANY man...that holds true for women and men of any color...blk, white or indigo!


I think the question should be why do men prefer the other's over hoodrat black women because only the hoodrat type are the ones that want to get loud & yell & do the most, either that or they're young. A black WOMAN... Well, I can only speak for myself I cater to my man mentally, physically, I got it all & have NEVER been worried about what they ... See Morecan do for me financially. It's not about that, its about what you bring to the table emotionally, physically & mentally, the rest of what you receive is simply the joys of having someone successful, but STILL it should go both ways. You don't have to do anything for me financially, just love me. So I guess in a way I agree with what ol girl is sayin a lot of black women do scare men off with that take charge attitude, but its not what you say its how you say it &... like I said are we talkin about hoodrats? Lol ... But then again I'm mixed as well so maybe that's why I'm able to separate myself idk...


Thanks! I just think that when u try to box every "type" together, u allow urself to be boxed in as well. Some people adopt certain bad characteristics just because they are following unwritten "guidelines" as to who they're supposed to be according to which group they identify with. When we decide to be the best version of ourselves and let ... See Morepeople be themselves, we won't feel the pressure to fit into others' perception of what we are "supposed" to be like. Then the world would be a happier place and we wouldn't have to keep having these same debates over and over again =P ♥


@ Anonymous6 u said it better... is about how u come across and say things.... And dont get it twisted im not a submissive women I get back what i put in.... I cater to my man but he must treat as the QUEEN that I am.... I can set the bubble bath give him a massage and some wine....but believe it.. that if hes home bfore me...he'll do the just comes naturally


@Anonymous5....ur right i love the idea of being controlled and dominated by a strong sexy black man..........IN THE BEDROOM!!


i dunno men? why?? pray tell?


I'm attracted to all types of women personally. Of course everyone has preferences at the end of the day. I want a woman thats independent, intelligent,funny and has a great personality. Nothing worst that a sexy but boring woman.

I do prefer women from the Caribbean/Latin American countries which encompasses the most beautiful women in the world. I guess its a similarity in cultures I like.


It doesn't matter! We all get cheated on! Ask Tiger Woods' wife and Kobe's wife!

3 hours ago


@Anonymous2: Definitely! Men want to feel like the man PERIOD, but also want a woman that can hold him own. That doesn't mean you have to go over board with emotion! Plus, at the age we are, if you're dating someone, that's probably who they're going to be, so instead of questioning why or trying to change that person just move on, why stick around & become a BITTER woman... & no man wants to date their mom, they just want a support woman! BIG difference!!!


LOL @Anonymous9...facebook-high-5 (but if my husband even so much as THINKS about it...he'll die)! Oh, there I go being an ANGRY, LOUD BLACK WOMAN AGAIN...U know how we are ::side eye::


....that's on a personal inbox msg! ;) lol

2 hours ago


ALL man cheat at some point maybe not at the beginning. Some get away with it and some dont....SO @ Anonymous9....what do we do?...leave him for another one..and then...another one...and another one??!!


Sounds like you've got your next question, all men cheat???


First, most Black men of this "other woman" loving generation are weak. Granted, compared to men of other races/creeds/cultures (however you would like to classify him), he seems stronger. A Black woman will challenge him to be a better man, but still be his equal, where a woman belongs, a lot of Black men nowadays don't appreciate that and go for the woman who will tolerate his foolishness, chase him, whine, etc.

As far as a black woman's refusal to submit in comparison to white/latin/asian woman, it's for a number of reasons.

1) We're groomed to have a mentality that we have to get things done (not wait around for someone else to take us where we need to go in life) ... See More
2) We most likely saw our mother being the strong and resilient Queen she is and therefore choose to model after that
3) And of course some of us just have a bitter attitude problem from watching our men walk away for their responsibilities to go for the "easier" woman.

And my last point; this generation of men are spitting in their mother's faces. The very man "other" women view as strong, confident, sexy, etc came from a Black woman. Only a strong woman can birth and rear a strong man. <


I def agree with Anonymous5's comment tho...


The reason why blk men date non-blk women (not necessarily "prefer") is because they do not know themselves. I am not saying blk should date blk and white date white, but when we look at the statistics and see that 42% of blk women are single and have never been married questions begin to surface as to why? all these women cant have the SAME issues... See More. As some have posted earlier, you shouldnt stereotype races, but look to each person from an individual perspective on their issues.
Many of these women who are single are educated, successful, and beautiful. Yes, each has their own issues, just as other women of other races do, BUT the difference is their own kind wont date them. WHY?
Going back to my point of blk men not KNOWING themselves. If they did, they would know where they came from: a strong blk mother who slaved to raise them. They would see their mother's strengths and allow that light of tenacity to shine on the blk women around them. Someone said to me the other day, blk women are the mules of this nation. And i agree...we are quickly judged and striped down to nothing because of those that chose to not get educated, be ignorant, and bring those around them down. If a blk man knew himself, he would feel for his blk women and fight to bring them up by bringing up HIMSELF. So many are gay/bisexual/in jail. And those that are successful turn the other cheek and date outside their race BECAUSE they "dont want to deal with 'that'". This is a coward's outlook...Black men have lost their strength because they have forgotten their roles since WE, blk women, have had to pick up the slack...
p.s. IT'S YOUR DADDY'S FAULT for not teaching you the value of a blk woman!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Fill Me Up Please

I want to be a Book of Acts Christian. This is a person who gets filled with the Holy Spirit before they do everything.

You may often wonder why is it that you may encounter someone in the church and all their spiritual gifts are gleaming through. They are showing you hospitality, grace, love...all fruits of the spirit. But then, encountering this person on the street or in their house and confusion gains she didn't just do or say that. What is up with homegirl! She don't be acting like that at church!
The reason why this happens is because we often operate in our flesh when we are outside the sacred four walls of the church. When we are in God's presence and filled with the Holy Spirit we operate as angels-spreading love and grace over all people and situations. BUT as soon as we leave this realm (of spiritual groundedness), we begin to operate in our flesh. At these times, PAUSE, PRAY for the Holy Spirit, and then press PLAY. These are the three P's to remember.
These situations are not to judge each other or render their niceness as fake, but to edify the person in the name of Jesus and let her or him know, hey you are operating in your flesh right now. Pause, Pray, and Play.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Spring Time

The more I sit outside in the backyard enjoying nature the more I love my nakedness... Sounds off the wall I know. Really looking at nature I see how everything is so perfectly imperfect.. Nature (grass, plants, trees, animals) doesn't believe in symmetry unless that symmetry serves some kinda function. It's like how one hand or one boob is bigger than the other but symmetry is maintained because there are two (which serves the function of nourishing another life). Why can't humans grasp that? How do we end up obsessed with symmetry (straight nose, straight hair, evenly huge boobs, etc) when we all don't come that way. There's beauty in our variety and differences. *sigh* God is so gosh darned awesome!
-Natalia Crosdale

She gets it! And we all should get it! It's ironic that my friend had this revelation today because while in class (Microelectronic Fabrication to be exact) I was doodling. Something I haven't done in years. What fascinated me about my own doodling was what my mind was meditating on:


There is something about this season that illustrates God's majestic beauty!
Hair grows at its fastest rate (girls should appreciate this), flowers bloom, and bumble bees swarm the
pollen-saturated air. Life is everywhere! What's even more inspiring is the love that culminates everywhere I look. It's as if God's fragrance is stimulating spurts of love...maybe the name of His cologne is Serenade and He summons the birds to chirp sweet melodies of adoration. God is so dramatic! I really think this is His favorite season because we are able to see His glory prevail--love. This season makes me hope all things and believe all things (1 Cor. 13). Ironic I say this because Jesus died during this season; He died so that we may live, so that nature may be nourished. As he rose, so did the flowers bloom, bumble bees roam, and birds sing songs!

Spring time! It opened my friend's eyes to realize he loves his girlfriend. What was he thinking otherwise? It gave my friend a revelation that her imperfections are perfectly in symmetry. But God made her in His image. What are you going to allow it reveal to you?