If He Can't Meet You Where You Are, Then Leave Him Where He's At...

Words from Jamal Harrison-Bryant:

I often warn women who are contemplating marriage to marry someone whocan take care of them. When a woman marries, it ought to be to someone whois capable of taking her to the next level. If she comes from poverty,there is no reason for her to get married and still be impoverished. The role ofthe man is to take her to another place.When she gets married, she ought to dress better, drive better, livebetter, and eat better, not constantly be in a struggle over where her nextmeal is coming from. My grandmother used to say, 'I can do bad all by myself.¢For a woman desiring a mate, the objective, of course, would be to find aChristian man, who's settled, has goals, accomplishments and a job. Buta goal-oriented and focused man can't just be approached any kind of way.So the woman who seeks this type of stability must make sure that hestands out above the crowd:1. Make sure your relationship with the Lord is strong and growing.2. Make sure that you are presentable. Working from the inside out, yourpresentation should be representative of both who you are and whom youseek.Appearance is a reflection of how you see yourself.3. Have the ability to hold an intelligent conversation.4. And most importantly, allow the Holy Ghost to take control. Youdon't need to go after him. He's going to come after you, because after hesees and smells you and knows that you're in his presence, he's going towant to know who you are! I know there's somebody reading this who has beenchasing after the 'man of your dreams,' but God says, 'Just sit still and allowpatience to have her perfect work through Me. 'Furthermore, it's never a good idea to be too forward and too aggressive.Attempting to win a man's affection by jumping into bed with him willonly backfire and cause him to lose interest in ever developing a lastingrelationship. It causes him to lose respect for you and question yourcharacter.However, if he sees that you are dressed with quality, that you smelllike you are somebody, that you look like you're doing fine without him,then that will attract the right attention from him. He'll have no choicebut to give you his attention. Stop looking so needy, climbing into bed,trying in vain to capture a man's heart.God woke me up in the middle of the night and said, 'The same thingthat Naomi told Ruth to do is the same thing that I want them to do for me.'God is so sick of saints coming to Him trying to get a quickie andnever romancing Him for Who he is - going to church screaming, shouting andhollering, but hadn't been intimate with God all week long! Stop tryingto treat God like a sugar daddy and start romancing Him with worship andpraise: 'I'm yours Lord...everything I've got...everything I'm not!'The God we serve, which is the God of love, demands and requires of usforeplay before He gives us what we need. In the book of Ruth, themother-in-law tells Ruth, 'You have to wash.' John 15:3 reminds us, Nowye are clean through the word which I have spoken unto you. When you sitin the Gospel of Jesus Christ, you are taking a shower. When you hear theunadulterated Word of God, then the dirt and grime that you'veaccumulated all week long begins to wash off of you.Ask God to 'create in you a clean heart and renew a right spirit.'Stand in the word. Then wait upon the Lord to renew your strength. Passthis on to those who have found or are seeking Mr. Right. This message isnot directed at the receiver, it is directed to women I know that touchother young women that can benefit from this information. We are to beNaomi's of the world today. Our young women need to be informed of how to catchand keep a man that will respect them.

P. S. Pass this on to every woman you know!"

If he can't meet you where you are....leave him where he's at "

Naked In Its Natural Essence

NAKED adj. devoid of elaboration or diminution or concealment; bare and pure (Google)
NATURAL adj. free from affectation or constraint (dictionary.com)

What is it to be natural?
Why all this commotion about celebrating pure freedom in self and culture?
Why did Chris Rock produce "Good Hair"?

These questions are relevant to the discussion of "being natural." In the Black community, to be natural is to strip yourself of western influences and make a connection to your African ancestry through your hair, dress, and/or mindset. After much speculation, I have decided to join the grassroots movement in being comfortable in my own skin; appreciating what God has given me--kinky hair and all. Of course this is a surprise to many because they cannot fathom why I, blessed with long, lustrous locks, would want to go back to "naps and beadie beads" as they call it. But i get it--I get why they are skeptical and distaste such a controversial decision to move backwards.

In middle school when my mom finally approved of me getting my first perm, I was ecstatic. Having straight, smooth, refined hair was all I wanted for Christmas. I did nothing with my natural hair but where poof balls and braids. Oh, those sessions on my butt for hours were dreadful. I remember my sister tugging at my tight curls as if it was a sin for my hair to be so thick. Oh the pain! Thus, why wouldn't I get a perm? I would be accepted, guys would finally look my way (at least I thought they would), and I would look forward to communal ownership over my hair because I represented the few Black girls with long hair (everybody wanted in; to live vicariously through me). When the day for my first perm finally came, I felt like I was inducted into the pool of American beauty.

Now 10 years into being a "creamy crack" addict (relaxers, lol), I would have never imagined that I would decide to go natural. It took really understanding true beauty for me to make this decision and Chris Rock's movie helped manifest my acceptance of what God made me to be--an all naturel! Because so many other women are starting to love their kinky curls, it makes it so much easier to make this decision. Saving $60 every 2-3 months is a great motive also! No more worrying about getting my hair wet, limiting my adventurous activities (jumping into the pool), or dreading the wash/roller dry/flat iron process to get my hair straightened!

There are so many natural products to help enhance kinky hair and websites/books dedicated to teaching you how to appreciate and take care of your natural hair. I highly encourage my sisters to consider being "naked for Jesus", in the sense of being free in your own skin as He intended. God made us with curly hair for a reason, but we have been manipulated to believe that having long, straight hair like our counterparts is what makes us beautiful. If being Black wasn't a good thing, scientists wouldn't be conducting studies on why we have such unique hair texture, or why we have more melanin in our skin, or why we're just more deeply intense culturally.

So if you are thinking about going natural, I encourage you to find a support group of people who are going through or have been through the process. Then ask yourself, are you ready to stand out of a crowd? Can you handle a transitioning stage or are you more bold and ready for the "Great Chop?" Here are some great websites (research is a good thing):

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/281964/from_chemically_permed_to_natural_hair.html?cat=69

http://www.roundbrushhair.com/

http://nappyme.wordpress.com/

http://www.bvhairtalk.com/2008/07/10/kinky-curly-tips-for-natural-hair-care/


I will be sure to post my journey! I hope that I can be an encouragement to someone else who is considering such a drastic change. But I am sure it's going to be worth it!

NAKED for Jesus!

I Found Love...

I found love in something that is boundless.
I found something so rich in pureness that it can never be tainted.
I found a God that loves me through all transgressions.
--Me

For so long, so many of us walk through life blinded by obscurities of what defines our mere existence. Hoping to run into a brink wall that will bring us to reality, we convince ourselves that being senseless, emotionless, and tunnel-minded is the tool to making it through our lives. When we get hurt, we turn cold-hearted. When we fail, we grow tough-skinned. When we fall short, we double our loads to make up for lost pieces. But how about when we don't feel like doing it anymore, how do we cope with the pain? The answer for most is suppression, avoidance, and depression.

Why do we openly submit ourselves to feeling torn and helpless? Jesus died for all these feelings. He was crucified so that we do not have to feel unworthy. Laying your burdens at his feet and drinking from his overflowing cup of life is so easy to do only if we would open our hearts to being restored rather than broken and cold. I was there! I know how it feels to hold on to pain. I know what it means to be "your own worst enemy." But why not be delivered!

God cares...He's there...He's everywhere. Ready to fill you with the Holy Spirit. All you have to do is ask!

Now that is true love. Something a man, woman, family, or friends can never give you!

Transitioning to the New LIfe (again)

Why is it when you end a relationship whether platonic or romantic, it is inevitable to come to a transition phase? A place where you feel semi-empty and remotely confused as if reality took a whirl-wind, unexpected turn. This of course is usually not the case because you knew this period of loneliness was in favor.

Personally, I don't enjoy any aspect of this feeling. But then, would it be inhumane to not experience the "transition phase"? Would moving on with my life smoothly indicate I did not have sincere feelings for the person? Why do we have to get use to a process instead of openly welcoming or embracing our new life, without the retired specimen?

Maybe the best option is to act like it never happened, then when the end is valid you can press play to your previous life and disregard the present as a director's cut (unnecessary scene to this melodramatic screenplay).

Blind Sighted by My Goal

Some of you may read the title of this post and wonder how can someone be blind sighted by a goal? Isn't it suppose to be a good thing to be focused? Well, the truth is tenacity can sometimes cause you to still fall short of life; because I have. I missed out on the good times, the simplest moments of laughter and fun. I missed out on an opportunity to change someone's life forever. And I don't think I can get that chance back. I was so focused on my goal, my plan of action, that I hated to get off track. I stressed myself out trying to stick to the plan. And because of my determination I pushed the things that mattered the most away. I can honestly say I traded my most profound comrade for a seat on the Dean's List; for an advancement that God had already planned for me. All I can do now is hope and pray that I am forgiven. As humans we make mistakes, as scholars we miss out on the intricate moments in life, too focused to smell the roses and prune the trees. Forgive me for my goal has blind sighted me. And I do want you back my friend. Maybe you can teach me to relax and let life be itself.

Dedicated to Nellie.

Church

I have decided that every Sunday I am going to post a biblical lesson that I have learned in life or listened to while at church.

First off, I must say I am human, subject to fleshly desires, and worldly sins, but I am first a child of God and I strive to live a Christian lifestyle. I write to share and hopefully touch someone else.

THE WORD

Today at Passage, Pastor Dix introduced Matthew 28:18-20, a verse you have heard at least once in your life: The Great Commission. He broke down the purpose we all share into three parts all starting with the verb Go...

[1] Go into the world and teach. Greek translation for teach in this line is "to make disciples." As Christians we assume our purpose is to make coverts, go to church, and praise God, but our duties are more extensive. We should not only make converts, but make disciples. Teach the Gospel and continue to fellowship with God's people--those in the church and most importantly out of the church.

[2] Go baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. You do not have to wait until you die to go to the kingdom of God. It is not a place, but rather a way of living. Show those around you and those afar that God is able and he is able NOW!

[3] Go teach them what God has taught you so they can live Godly lives. Greek translation for teach in this line is "to instruct."

And the promise from God is that He will be with you even until the end of time.

MY REMARKS

Listening to this sermon today, it did not hit me until later that we have work to do. It is common to ponder your existence and because we do not get an immediate answer, sit down and wait. Instead, in the meantime, fulfill God's will and you will soon find your purpose.

I knew I wanted to be an engineer since the beginning of high school. Influenced by my brother and uncle, Dr. Father Gerard Jean-Juste (google him!), I took it to be my calling. Finally seeing what I got myself into, there were times when I thought to myself why am I doing this? The odds are against me anyway--minority, woman, black, and engineer? But I stuck through it and I am grateful I did because now I see the purpose that God put me here. It is not for my glory but His; however, in the process of following His plan for me I will live abundantly and blessed. Me studying electrical engineering will bring blessings upon many: the little girls I inspire, the impoverished countries I will help, the new perspective I will instill for Black women engineers. There are so many blessings coming out of my struggle and it is not only for me but for the world to also share.

So in return, I will evangelize. I will make disciples. I will baptize those in the name of the Lord. For His glory and for my happiness...

Self Definition? Self Inquisitive?

DEEP THOUGHTS

Do you ever ask yourself "What defines me?" I think it is an important question we must all ask ourselves one day, if not everyday. Many of us walk through life thinking we know ourselves, but if we never cultivate our minds with some kind of stimulus package how can we be sure?
As humans we are forever learning new things, forever evolving from old ways, and shedding old skin.

I have found that doing self-evaluations really do help put you back in check. Find time alone, isolated from outsiders, with a Bible in one hand and a diary in the other, and try connecting with your inner self. Kind of like a colon cleanse (and avoiding bias), you can really help yourself rid of B.S. you know you should have let go a long time ago. Besides the cleanse you also get to notice the true qualities of your self that make you original and authentic.

Sometimes in this society we get side-tracked by what's hot or in season. To tell you the truth, those people who try to dictate our lifestyles are lost themselves--filling a void by laying in fabrics and walking around with to do lists do not help. Finding myelf is more appealing than being a follower anyway! That should be a life trend!

SHALLOW THOUGHTS

HAIR

Why is it that as women we define ourselves through our hair? Can anyone give me the definite answer?

I have decided to let mine grow out. Why? Because the pull I had made me feel powerful, seductive, and at an advantage. But then I cut it like Rihanna's because I wanted to make a statement of freshness, edge, and fierceness. Hmmm, women! So confusing...[as I decide my next move]

SHOES

I have a secret, but I cannot tell you it more than once. Jimmy Choo and H&M can be put in the same sentence (one day)...I will be there, so all 7.5/8 are mine! And if I have to employ the scene from "Confessions of A Shopaholic", I will!!!

EYES

I never thought to put eye lashes on but I think I may try it! I would like to try the catty look, typical of Beyonce and Eva Mendes.

The Beginning of Love

Overwhelmed with thoughts, stories, and life, I thought this a bright idea to start a blog. I walk through life always thinking, forever experiencing and now I find a place to lay my head and creatively write. For you and for me. Enjoy my blog, indulge in my world, live vicariously through me and most of all continue to live!